How am I supposed to categorise the random rambles that I post? I mean does the last post about Vets’ fees go under Animals or At least Dick Turpin wore a mask? And the post about The Field Decorators, does that go under Conkers, Horses or People Who Can’t Ride In A Taxi With The Door Shut? No, I can’t do that. My blog will have to remain pageless.
Apart from the About Me page of course; if I can ever get it written
To quote a famous line; it’s a little Ironic, don’t you think?
Someone who loves writing has been sitting looking at a blank Word Document for almost 8 months. Every now and again I type a few lines, re-read them, sigh, delete them and suck on my vape stick for a while as I try and think of something else to write.
On Sunday night whilst waiting for I’m A Celebrity (or as it’s now called: Amm A Geordie, Whey Aye Man!) to come on television, I Googled: What kind of Blogger am I? Google obviously had no idea either but gave me a list of suggestions and as we’re mates I thought I would run them past you to see if you can tell me what kind of Blogger I am.
So according to the oracle, there are 7 different types of Blogger.
Number 1 is The Personal Blogger who basically writes about their day. Topics include things like housework, shopping and what they had for lunch.
Crikey, writing about my day would bore you to death. And I hardly think a post title of “Jodhpurs does the school run, some hoovering, hangs the washing out, has a piece of toast, makes a phone call and does the school run again” is going to inspire you to click on it and read it. No, you would be searching for sharp implements with which to end your life if I wrote about my day.
Number 2 is The Business Blogger and they write about things that will attract their customers.
I don’t have any customers and if I did, I suspect they would not be my customers anymore after they’d read my post about owning a totally shit cat.
Number 3 is The Professional Blogger who is offered everything from shoes to cars as a reward for blogging about the product.
I’m definitely not one of those. You can tell by the holes in my jodhpurs. I’d probably be rubbish at being a professional blogger anyway, as any company who sent me jodhpurs to review would receive a marvellous review in the hope that I would get sent some more. It would be the same with any gin company who asked me to write a review. Apart from Lidl’s. They might make caviar affordable to all but their gin tastes like watered down eau de toilette. (You heard it first here and I wasn’t even paid to give you that information.)
Number 4 is the Affiliate Blogger and they write reviews on products that they will then earn revenue from.
Right, so maybe I can aspire to be an Affiliate blogger. As long as I write reviews on gin, jodhpurs, wine and horse equipment.
Number 5 is The Mom Bloggers and already Google has made a huge mistake. “Mom” is American and “Mum” is English, if you’re from the North East “Mam” is the word but not Mom. Not Mom. And there are lots and lots of Mom Blogs.
I am not writing a Mom Blog and you can see this in the post The World According To Britney (Not her real name).
Number 6 is the Guest Blogger who writes content for other websites.
I think I could do this with brilliant execution, so if the Head of PR at Gordon’s Gin is reading this, please send an email to jodhpursontheschoolrun@outlook.com and mark it as high importance.
Number 7 is the Freelance Blogger who does exactly what the Guest Blogger does but without being asked.
I think I may be rather good at this as well. Tomorrow I will write a brilliant and gushing article about how lovely Gordon’s Gin is in the hope that they send me a huge cheque and an ever bigger case of their finest gin.
But none of this has helped me to establish what type of blogger I am.
And as I have never conformed to anything in my life, I will just remain Jodhpurs On The School Run, a random rambling blogger.
On Sunday night whilst waiting for I’m A Celebrity (or as it’s now called: Amm A Geordie, Whey Aye Man!) to come on television, I Googled: What kind of Blogger am I? Google obviously had no idea either but gave me a list of suggestions and as we’re mates I thought I would run them past you to see if you can tell me what kind of Blogger I am.
So according to the oracle, there are 7 different types of Blogger.
Number 1 is The Personal Blogger who basically writes about their day. Topics include things like housework, shopping and what they had for lunch.
Crikey, writing about my day would bore you to death. And I hardly think a post title of “Jodhpurs does the school run, some hoovering, hangs the washing out, has a piece of toast, makes a phone call and does the school run again” is going to inspire you to click on it and read it. No, you would be searching for sharp implements with which to end your life if I wrote about my day.
Number 2 is The Business Blogger and they write about things that will attract their customers.
I don’t have any customers and if I did, I suspect they would not be my customers anymore after they’d read my post about owning a totally shit cat.
Number 3 is The Professional Blogger who is offered everything from shoes to cars as a reward for blogging about the product.
I’m definitely not one of those. You can tell by the holes in my jodhpurs. I’d probably be rubbish at being a professional blogger anyway, as any company who sent me jodhpurs to review would receive a marvellous review in the hope that I would get sent some more. It would be the same with any gin company who asked me to write a review. Apart from Lidl’s. They might make caviar affordable to all but their gin tastes like watered down eau de toilette. (You heard it first here and I wasn’t even paid to give you that information.)
Number 4 is the Affiliate Blogger and they write reviews on products that they will then earn revenue from.
Right, so maybe I can aspire to be an Affiliate blogger. As long as I write reviews on gin, jodhpurs, wine and horse equipment.
Number 5 is The Mom Bloggers and already Google has made a huge mistake. “Mom” is American and “Mum” is English, if you’re from the North East “Mam” is the word but not Mom. Not Mom. And there are lots and lots of Mom Blogs.
I am not writing a Mom Blog and you can see this in the post The World According To Britney (Not her real name).
Number 6 is the Guest Blogger who writes content for other websites.
I think I could do this with brilliant execution, so if the Head of PR at Gordon’s Gin is reading this, please send an email to jodhpursontheschoolrun@outlook.com and mark it as high importance.
Number 7 is the Freelance Blogger who does exactly what the Guest Blogger does but without being asked.
I think I may be rather good at this as well. Tomorrow I will write a brilliant and gushing article about how lovely Gordon’s Gin is in the hope that they send me a huge cheque and an ever bigger case of their finest gin.
But none of this has helped me to establish what type of blogger I am.
And as I have never conformed to anything in my life, I will just remain Jodhpurs On The School Run, a random rambling blogger.
No comments
Post a Comment