You
might have noticed that I haven’t blogged for months. And as I can no longer
class myself as a blogger and my Instaphoto account consists of photographs of horse's ears and Northumbrian beaches; I cannot
call myself a “Social Influencer” either.
So
to fill a gap on my “Blog” I thought I would share a post that I wrote for a
dear friend of mine a year ago. Her blog about mental health is now deleted but
I am very proud of the post I wrote for her and thought I would share it with
you. Because after all; we are mates. And I miss her blog very much:
Granny
Was Here
This
feels a bit strange this Guest Blogging malarkey. It’s like sitting at someone
else’s desk and finding that the pens are in the wrong place but there’s a packet
of chocolate HobNobs in the top drawer.
Now
just to be absolutely clear, if you want to know where to buy the most
fulfilling bottle of red wine for under £6 or how to make soup or toast, I have
an understanding that is superior to most people. I know how to pour a fabulous
gin and tonic that will quench your thirst and make you forget how your legs
work, I can teach you how to ride a horse, calculate VAT from the gross amount
and I am ruthlessly good at Snakes and Ladders; but when it comes to mental
health, I know very little.
But
I do know that my Granny was Bipolar.
Granny
was born in 1908 and as a teenager was sent to stay with her cousins in Norfolk as her family
thought she had Saint Vitus Dance. Back then, the name that was eventually
given to her bouts of inconceivable energy and concise periods of exhaustion
was Manic Depression. I much prefer
the term Bipolar as Manic Depression sounds like a much more flippant term for
what dominated my Granny’s life.
As
a child I didn’t realise that there was anything wrong with Granny. Her house was
full of many marvellous things that had been either purchased from various
auction sales or retrieved from skips and bins. There were sofas, lamps, chairs,
cookers, exercise bikes, tennis racquets, paintings and empty bird cages. There
were stacks of mysterious bits and pieces that no longer had a purpose to serve
in life and all these objects were stacked high in every room to form the most
incredible tunnels and passageways for me to play in. The items were like
towering skyscrapers and I recall most vividly once sitting in a swivelling
armchair, pushing my foot against a tumble drier to spin myself around at
tremendous speed.
To
me, this was normal, this was just Granny and Grandad’s house. When we visited
on a Sunday, sandwiches and hot tea were served by Grandad and a tube of sweets
was dropped into my pocket for the journey home.
Granny
would get to the point when she could no longer deal with the myriad of
household goods jammed tightly into her home and the local Auction House would
be called to clear the house enabling Granny to begin her white goods collection
all over again. This is rather like going to a charity shop, buying a pair of
jeans and then donating them back to the same shop the next day. You might say
that I could have used the term “coals to Newcastle ”
but as they did actually live in Newcastle
this term is more than a little ironic.
Of
course the problem, was that the people who were destined to receive the things
that Granny bought, didn’t actually want them because they were usually shit.
She bought a car for my eldest brother who didn’t have a driving licence and at
the age of 11 she bought me a clarinet. I didn’t play the clarinet but to be
fair, I sharp learnt to play it and my friends were very jealous that I had my
own instrument, made from wood and not a plastic edition that could be hired
from school.
Granny
bought fridges and freezers for people she hardly knew and beds, sideboards and
sofas for people that she knew well. Once, the day after an auction sale a
removal van drew up at Mum’s house. As the bloke opened the rear doors of the
wagon, Mum enquired what was for her and he replied: “The whole lot, love”.
Granny
had an allotment near her home where she spent a lot of her time. It wasn’t
neat rows of vegetables and flowers, it was a tumble-down affair, with a shed that
smelt of tobacco and leaf mould and many strange shaped tubs and pots standing
around collecting rainwater. She grew raspberries and redcurrants and rhubarb
under broken buckets. She grew peas and beans and sometimes the family were
called to clear the overgrown vegetation when that also became too much for
her.
Mum
tells the story of Granny riding a moped almost 40 miles with carrier bags
dangling from the handle bars to help her look after my 4 brothers and once she
had a big win on the horses and gave Mum and Dad a present of some cash that
was enough to pay off the bank loan they had taken to buy their car.
In
her younger years she had worked as a nurse at the Psychiatric hospital, St Nicholas’
in Newcastle and later in life she capably and
single-handedly ran a Guest House in the little village of Embleton
on the Northumberland coast. Granny rolled her own cigarettes with her
arthritic fingers and Old Holborn tobacco and sometimes she smoked a pipe. She
liked a swift half of lager every now and again and she also liked the
occasional flutter on the horses. She wore wellingtons, a trench coat and
trilby and looked a bit like Ann Cleeves’ Vera; only 30 years older.
I
was 17 when Granny and Grandad came to live with us and it was then that Granny
stopped taking her medication. At first we laughed when we discovered that
Granny had written “Granny was here” on a wall in the public toilets in the
local town and when she pretended to have a heart attack when I said that I was
going to tidy my bedroom. But as time progressed there was no humour to be
found in the situation.
Many
years earlier Granny had bought a caravan which was kept at our house.
Obviously “on a high” as my Mum put it, she moved into this shed-on-wheels and
was up all hours of the night tending to a vegetable patch that she had created
on a rough piece of grass beside her new home. She was vile to my Mother and
said the most horrible things. It took great strength from Mum but she
eventually went and talked to our Doctor and Granny was sectioned.
It
was one of the most horrible days. I’m sad to say now, that at the time I was secretly
relieved that she was going. She had called me a kleptomaniac for borrowing her
Sinead O’ Connor tape and not returning it. At that age, believing that I ruled
the world and was the only important thing in it, I used get infuriated with
Granny cheekily asking me if I couldn’t sleep when I rocked out of bed 11.30am.
But
obviously my Mum was very distressed and it felt as though we were taking
Granny’s dignity away. Saying that, Granny had a gargantuan sense of humour and
as the Paramedic went to wrap a blanket around her shoulders to lead her to the
waiting ambulance she asked him if he’d forgotten the straight-jacket.
Other
family members became involved and decided that Granny’s behaviour had been
caused by a urinary tract infection and upon her release from hospital allowed
her to move back into the house that she still owned in Newcastle .
The
rambling letters that followed from Granny to Mum were pages and pages long and
were incredibly vindictive and aggressive. Mum was told that she had to
remember that it was the illness and not her Mother saying these hurtful things
to her. But as Mum said, it’s hard to remember that, when the illness looks and
sounds exactly like your Mother.
A
few years later we heard that Granny had been sectioned again and this time
after a spell in hospital and with her medication in order, she was moved to a
care home.
Mum
and Dad visited her at least once a week for the remainder of Granny’s years.
I
loved visiting her. Her sense of humour was still wicked and she once
complained to me that the gorgeous silver plated cutlery in the dining room “must
have been made in a ruddy shipyard”.
In
this lovely home, Granny’s occasional smoking dwindled as you were only allowed
to smoke outside. One day a lady sat down next to Granny in the garden and
explained that she was only there for 2 weeks while her family were on holiday.
“How long are you here for?” the lady asked.
“Until
I die.” replied Granny calmly.
She
used to take herself off to Gosforth High Street and return with her pockets
full of betting slips. The ladies who took care of her, said they didn’t mind
her going off into town at all, not even to Ladbrokes; as long as she let them
know first, so they didn’t call the police.
Granny
was very settled and happy in her home and whenever we went to visit she used
to jam her walking stick in the front door to stop it locking her out so she
could come and wave us off at our car. Sometimes we walked around the block so
she could have a smoke, occasionally having to wait for her to rub the wet end
of her badly rolled cigarette on someone’s garden wall to dry it out.
When
all the residents were called for lunch there was an array of zimmer frames,
wheelchairs and walking sticks used to move everyone to the dinner hall. Not
Granny, she took the arm of the carer and walked smartly, she was 15 years
older than some of her comrades and could still outdo them.
As
she became more unsteady on her feet, the carers told her not to get out of bed
during the night without one of them present. I don’t think Granny ever truly
believed that any rules made applied to her and one night she fell and broke
her hip. The broken joint was operated on but sadly she never made it out of
hospital and back to the home. She was 98.
There
was a colossal bunch of Lillies on the top of her coffin in honour of her name
and Van Morrison’s Bright Side of the Road was played as we left the
crematorium. It felt as though the old lady was tipping everyone a crafty wink.
A
few years later I was pregnant with my daughter Britney (Not her real name) and
was booked in for a caesarean as the baby was breech. Mum told me that Granny
would have been so relieved as she too had endured a breech birth. Granny had
known that her baby was breech and knew that it was going to be much harder
work for her. This was in the 1940’s when there were few options for a Mother
carrying a breech baby and Granny had suffered the loss of a child for which
there was no counselling and no discussion.
We
gave our daughter my Granny’s first name as her middle name and as a toddler at
a family gathering I jokingly handed her a can of beer and told her to make
herself useful. She tried briefly with her tiny little fingers to open the can
then picked up a teaspoon and attempted to use it to lever open the ring pull. I
had never seen anyone do this before, but it came as no surprise to learn that
Granny used to open cans with a teaspoon.
I
should have known that a personality as big as my Granny’s wasn’t going to
disappear without leaving a trace somewhere.
I
emailed my guest post to the Host Blogger at 10.28am on 11th April.
She replied with a beautiful thank you and said that it was 3rd in
line as she had other guest bloggers in the queue who had sent their pieces
earlier and I should expect to see my piece on her blog in a few days.
And
then at 5pm the Host Blogger emailed me again and reported that she was just
getting my post ready and that it would be online in about an hour.
“Granny
Was Here” had over 50 shares to Facetube from her blog which I thought was frankly
amazing. But what’s more amazing is that I sent the link to the post to my
Cousin who asked if I knew that the post had gone live on the anniversary of my
Granny’s death.
I
hadn’t realised. And when I told the Host Blogger, I asked her how I had
managed to jump the queue of other guest posts.
She
replied that throughout the afternoon after receiving my post she had the most
overwhelming feeling that she had to post it on her blog immediately.
I
have no explanation – except that perhaps I was correct; and Granny was here.
I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought
ReplyDeletethis post was good. I don't know who you are but certainly you're
going to a famous blogger if you aren't already ;) Cheers!
Oh how I wish you weren't a Spammer! :)
DeleteVery good post. I am dealing with a few of these issues as well..
ReplyDeleteI hope you have all the support you need.
Delete