I was visiting Orkney with a reason; and I will blog about
that another time, perhaps when the death threats have stopped and I feel that
it is safe to re-open both my Facetube and Instaphoto accounts. In the meantime
it’s safe to say that I went to Orkney to look at horses and that sight-seeing
was not top of the agenda. As luck would have it, the Foreign Secretary with
whom I stayed for the weekend, had to transverse part of the Mainland to check
her horses and therefore I was treated to twice daily tours of Orkney’s largest
island.
Before my visit, I thought Orkney was an island or two,
hundreds of miles off the coast of Scotland . So, for those of you
whose geography is as shit as mine, I’ll tell you that the 67 islands that make
up Orkney begin about 6 miles north of Caithness
on the Scottish Mainland.
My host had advised me to bring plenty of layers as the
weather forecast was for cloud and a brisk wind. If you are ever fortunate
enough to visit Orkney, please remember that when an Orcadian says “bring plenty
of layers” what they actually mean is “bring clothes that you would wear if you
were visiting North Northumberland in January while they are having a bit of a
cold snap and you are planning on standing on the beach for several hours and
pop another couple of jumpers in, just in case”. The wind is absolutely bloody
freezing when it’s coming from the North and apparently the wind had been
coming from the North for 10 days. (The inhabitants of Orkney refer to the
weather forecast in the same way that we would check our watch whilst waiting
for a delayed train.) I had asked my host if her home had electricity as I
would pack my GHD’s, she told me not to bother as it is usually so windy you
have to wear a hat. And I thought she was JOKING.
The Foreign Secretary had to work on the Friday that I
arrived. Apparently there was an approaching referendum of some sort and being
Foreign Secretary meant she had a lot to do.
So I wandered through the shops on the main street and saw
there was an M & Co but no other chain stores. There were some lovely shops
selling knitwear and jewellery produced on the island and the true tribulations
of living on an island struck me when I went into a charity shop. Every sodding
item was from M & Co.
Being a proper tourist for a day was actually a huge benefit
to me as I did something I would never normally do – I went to a museum. The Orkney Museum
The first human settlers were present on Orkney circa 8000BC
and the famous Ring of Brodgar which is Orkney’s largest stone circle, was
built around 3000BC. Brodgar is impressive, stretching 104 metres in diameter
with 27 of the original 60 stones remaining. It’s an incredible feat of
engineering, when you think that building began on the Egyptian pyramids around
300 years later.
Quite literally, just down the road from the Ring of Brodgar
are the 6 metre high Stones of Stenness which date to about 3100BC. And not
much further down the road there’s Maeshowe’s Mount which is a chambered tomb
that was constructed 5,000 years ago.
You don’t have to drive very far to sight-see in Orkney;
it’s a bit like Wuhu
Island
Skara Brae is Northern Europe ’s
best preserved Neolithic village and it was revealed by a storm in 1850. And in
2003 the Ness of Brodgar was discovered. This is a vast 6 acre site which is
thought to have been a place of worship, pilgrimage and trade. It also contains
what the experts believe to be a Neolithic temple – one of the largest ancient
structures built in Northern Europe .
Orkney was also home to the British Home Fleet in both World Wars; as Scapa Flow is one of the greatest natural
harbours in the world. It has been calculated that the body of water that is Scapa Flow is 125.3 square miles and contains just less
than 1 billion cubic metres of water.
On 13th October 1939 a German submarine skirted
through the sunken block ships and nets and fired 3 torpedoes at HMS Royal Oak.
She sank in 15 minutes and although 386 sailors were saved, 833 lives were
lost. As a direct result of this, Winston Churchill ordered barriers to be
built cutting off access to Scapa Flow from the East and 1,000 Italian Prisoners
of War were shipped from North Africa to carry
out the work. The resulting barriers connect the islands of Burray and South Ronaldsay to the Mainland and are used as
connecting roads to this day.
The Italian Prisoners took what left over
concrete they could and built the famous Italian Chapel from 2 Nissen Huts. The
demolition team sent to tear down the camp after the war ended, thankfully
refused to touch it and The Chapel still stands in ornate beauty on the tiny
island of Lamb’s Holm just off the Mainland.
One thing I did know about Orkney before my visit is that
there are no trees. So it was strange that I took a phone call from a friend on
my day-of-being-a-tourist. “Can you see any trees?” she asked. I replied that I could see loads of trees; but then admitted that I was standing
outside a garden centre. The Foreign Secretary proudly pointed out “The Wood”
on one of our island tours. And right enough, there is one dense, green leafy
wood tucked into a fold of the land, sheltered from the salty wind. There are
trees in gardens but they don’t grow more than about 10 feet tall due to the
wind, so everyone has to buy these strange looking cobble type things to burn
on their wood burners. The views are absolutely breathtaking, you only have to
turn a corner and there’s another incredible bit of scenery. The landscape is
massively varied, there are quantities of it that resemble mountains, there are
boggy areas growing reeds and there are fields and fields of Buttercups. Apparently
the land is very fertile so I can’t understand why there are so many Dockens
everywhere; although I suppose this is useful if you get stung by a nettle, but
I didn’t see many of those. Orkney only grows what they need to support their
livestock and there are plenty of cattle and plenty of sheep. Some of the teeny
tiny islands that you can only just reach when it’s low tide are the home to
some sheep that never leave. The Farmer goes over and collects that lambs that
are ready to be sold and leaves the ewes there until it is time to take the ram
over. Talk about the Mountain going to Mohammed. The wildlife is amazing – I
have never seen so many Oyster Catchers, possibly because they have no Foxes on
Orkney and no Badgers either. Typically the day after I left I saw that there
had been several sighting of a pod of Orcas. Well that’s just another sign that
I’ll have to go back. In fact, I would go back just for a serving of the local
Scallops and if you like seafood I would urge you to book your flight right
now. Where I live if you order Scallops in a restaurant you will be expected to
pay £7,500 per Scallop and receive a maximum of 4 on your plate. Not on Orkney.
They practically heap them on to your plate bragging “These are the best
Scallops in the world! Do not insult me by being unable to finish them! Or I
will spit on you!” I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
I leant a new word too; “Swadge”. It’s a brilliant word that
we have no equivalent of. Swadge is
what you do when you have had a huge meal and are feeling sleepy and content.
The lady who taught me this word confided that when you Swadge you often have to undo the top button of your “breeks” as
they are invariably too tight and you lie on the sofa. Like you’ve had too much
of a good thing and you need to reflect and enjoy what has just happened.
And that’s how I feel about Orkney. It’s like Whisky and Campbell ’s
Condensed Soup, you could water it down and it would still be magnificent.
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