It’s a marvellous service, although I would much prefer a
weekly newsletter as it would save me lighting the fire with tonic bottles and the
foil innards removed from empty wine boxes in between editions.
I usually have a look through this bragging newspaper before
I scrunch it up inside the log burner, just in case I know anyone in the
photographs. I was at first disappointed that I didn’t recognise anyone in the
articles featured, but I did notice that my Local MP is welcoming a “new
pothole fund for Northumberland”.
Potholes do a huge amount of damage to vehicles and cause
literally thousands of pounds worth of damage. As far as I am aware the 2 most
dangerous situations arise when either: a) the pothole is full of water and a
Visitor to the area drives into it at 60 miles per hour or b) when a local
knows the pothole is there and drives on the wrong side of the road to avoid
it.
Apparently the North East is to receive £3.9 million
specifically for pothole repairs and Northumberland has been awarded £1,111,000
which is enough to repair 20,962 potholes across the county.
How on earth do they know that?
Who has gone around the county and counted the 20,962
potholes? Is this all of the potholes or just the worst ones? What if they’ve
missed one? And what if a pothole has developed since this pothole audit was
undertaken?
Surely there is no such thing as an “average” pothole? Some
of them are enormous and some of them are tiny. Some of them are 5 inches deep,
some of them; an inch deep. And does this £53 allocated to each pothole include
the time of the person who is going to fill in the hole? It can’t cost £53 in
tarmac per hole, can it? I can buy a bag of tarmac for about £3 so surely this
is overkill.
What a ridiculous statement. I think I will need to request
a written report from the Department of Transport detailing the repair of all
20,962 potholes. And what if they put too much stuff in the ones they fill
first and run out by the end? Actually, instead of a written report from the
Department of Transport I will just suggest to my Local MP that the Pothole
Renovation Operatives begin their assignment very near to my house.
Apparently these proposed pothole repairs are going to be
“real repairs” and not the usual unreal repairs where the Pothole Renovation
Operatives just fill these evil car-killing pits with sawdust and saliva. So I
suppose that’s a start.
I’m interested to know what sort of timescale this pothole
renovation scheme is going to take and sadly there was no mention of this in
the article.
In my local area, there always seems to be road repairs of
some description being carried out and as the TK Maxx Ambassador’s husband is a
Highway Surface Specialist, I asked him why this is. According to the Highway
Surface Specialist (and a discussion on Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 programme that I
heard last week) the quality of the road surface (or rather lack of it) is the
problem. And basically, the stuff that the Pothole Renovation Operatives put in
the potholes resembles what Britney (not her real name) leaves on her toast
plate after breakfast.
Currently, a section of my school run route is closed for 4
weeks and I had hoped it was
I (illegally) drove down this section of road 3 nights ago,
once the Thoroughfare Preservation Squad had gone home. The road had been shut
for a 2 and a half weeks and therefore I was eagerly anticipating a new and
smooth stretch of road. I drove The Licence Taker slowly over the railway line
and then began to squeeze down the accelerator, gearing up to cover this new
piece of road at a speed that would have been unthinkable a few weeks earlier. To
my dismay I then had to apply the brakes as though I had just dropped a lit
cigarette on my lap, because all the Thoroughfare Preservation lads had done
was put in 2 drains.
That was it. 2 drains. No new and smooth road surface, no
pothole repairs, just 2 new drains. I suppose the Thoroughfare Preservation
Team have another week of road closure to complete whatever job they are doing.
Perhaps another drain, or paint a white line or something.
The item above the “MP welcomes new pothole fund for
Northumberland” informed me that my Local MP is also backing the “Government crackdown
on dangerous driving”, because “Dangerous driving can be a real problem here in
Northumberland”. I wasn’t aware that it was such a real problem, most of the
time it is impossible to drive dangerously because you are stuck behind Old Bob
in his Suzuki Swift on his way to collect the papers.
The only dangerous driving I’m aware of in Northumberland,
is hitting a 5 inch deep pothole at 60 miles per hour.
That’s exceptionally dangerous.
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